


What a Hell of a Way to Die

by vinaback



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Canon Divergence, M/M, gory song lyrics, no one actually dies despite the title, ptsd mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7668178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinaback/pseuds/vinaback
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Steve Rogers sang about falling and the time it mattered most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Hell of a Way to Die

**Author's Note:**

> During the Second World War, paratroopers changed the lyrics of "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah" to something a little more relatable.  
> Read about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_on_the_Risers
> 
> Listen to the version references here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgsdexkv18

The first time Steve heard the song, he was waiting to drop from a helicopter with the Commandos. No one looked particularly thrilled at the prospect of dropping a few thousand feet into enemy territory. Suddenly, someone started singing. Steve looked up in confusion to find the entire squad had joined in on some macabre song.

 

_"He was just a rookie trooper and he surely shook with fright,_

_He checked all his equipment and made sure his pack was tight;_

_He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar,_

_"You ain't gonna jump no more!"_

 

Steve stared at them, wondering if they had all gone insane or if it was just him. He turned to Bucky, shouting along with the rest of them, and nudged him with an elbow. Bucky saw the question in Steve's eyes and grinned.

"You never learned this in training?" He asked, as if it were some fundamental knowledge Steve had missed out on. But Steve's training hadn't exactly been traditional, and he hadn't had a friend to catch him up on this sort of thing until he found Bucky. "Don't worry, I'll teach ya later, you'll catch the chorus." 

 

_"Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"_

 

_"Is everybody happy?" cried the Sergeant looking up,_

_Our Hero feebly answered "Yes," and then they stood him up;_

_He jumped into the icy blast, his static line unhooked,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"  
_

 

_"Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"_

 

It wasn't especially reassuring. Still, the Commandos were laughing and singing, briefly distracted from the fall waiting for them, and Steve could at least join in at the chorus. Maybe they were all a little insane, he mused, but war could do a lot worse.

 ~

Bucky stayed true to his promise and taught him the words, enjoying Steve's shock at how, well, gory it all was. But after that, Steve didn't hear the song again for a few weeks- until the Commandos were drunk, celebrating a successful op, and trying to figure out a song they could all sing while plastered. Steve was sitting at the bar, enjoying their drunkenness despite his own sobriety; he was just glad to see them laughing and howling that ridiculous song.

 

_He counted long, he counted loud, he waited for the shock,_

_He felt the wind, he felt the cold, he felt the awful drop,_

_The silk from his reserves spilled out, and wrapped around his legs,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more._

 

And then Bucky was beside him, the smell of whiskey on his breath as he swayed closer to Steve. "Hey, Stevie. I thoughta you when I firs' learned this thing," he confided, speech slurring slightly.

"Jee, thanks, Buck," Steve replied sarcastically, smiling at the way Bucky nodded his head just off temp, humming along while the others sang. 

 

_"Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"_

 

"It wasn' a good, thing, Stevie." Bucky said softly, looking down at his hands with an unreadable expression. Steve frowned and rested a hand carefully on the other's shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

 

_"The risers swung around his neck, connectors cracked his dome,_

_Suspension lines were tied in knots around his skinny bones;_

_The canopy became his shroud; he hurtled to the ground._

_He ain't gonna jump no more."_

 

"I couln' stop thinkin' of you when they taught me this. I couldn' stop thinkin' of that skinny Brooklyn kid trying so fuckin' hard to get over to this hellhole. Ev'ry time we hadda sing this, I kep' rememberin' how you never stopped when you were scared, and I couldn' stop imagin' you-" Bucky broke off from his outpouring, trying to take a steadying breath as he met Steve's eyes. "'Cept now I don' hafta imagine 'nymore. You're here, and I'm so fuckin' happy to see you, but I'm so fuckin' scared."

Steve swallowed a lump rising in his throat. "I know what you mean, Buck."

 

_"Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"_

_~_

Steve didn't think of it again for years- decades, technically, but he never knew how to count the years on the ice. Natasha was trying to set him up again, always asking him why he didn't date. He couldn't tell her that dating made him realize how much he missed, big and small, when he couldn't even keep up with the jokes and references every gal made. He couldn't tell her that no girl could ever amount to Peggy, how much more he missed her when he was trying to flirt. He couldn't tell her that he'd been in love with his best friend as well, the friend he'd let fall to his death, or about the guilt and the grief and all the things he couldn't handle that came resurfacing every time Natasha tried to pair him up with someone.

Since he couldn't tell her any of that, he jumped instead. He'd hoped the roaring wind would drown out the memories, the loss, the pain. Instead, it reminded him of an almost forgotten song. He grinned suddenly, realizing this wasn't even the first time he'd jumped out of a plane without a parachute, and wasn't it all just so damn _ironic_? And then the words were pouring out of him as he plummeted, and the wind carried them away as soon as he shouted them.

 

_"The days he'd lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind,_

_He thought about the girl back home, the one he'd left behind;_

_He thought about the medic corps, and wondered what they'd find,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more."_

 

He had time before he would land. He could spare a moment, maybe even two, to feel the bitter hole in his chest, still empty after so long. Maybe the Commandos had been a little hysterical the first time they sang it. Maybe Steve was now, just for a moment, until he'd have to collect himself and lead a team into a dangerous mission in a world he could never hope to understand. 

 

_"Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"_

 

But really, there were worse ways to die.

 

_~_

 

Steve couldn't believe they were still jumping out of airplanes. The weapons he still had nightmares about were child's play compared to modern technology, the man beside him was wearing a robotic suit of armor that could fly, and they were still about to jump out of a plane. It was baffling to think about how some things hadn't changed at all.

"Is George Washington over here _actually_ humming Glory, Glory, Hallelujah?" Tony asked in disbelief over the com. Steve stopped abruptly; he hadn't even realized he'd been doing it.

"Leave him alone, Stark, unless you want to hop out of here without a suit or parachute, too." Natasha replied back tartly.

Steve didn't respond to either of them, knowing it wasn't much use to correct Tony. They wouldn't understand. There were so few people left who would understand, and the one who truly mattered was currently on the run from HYDRA and Steve himself. 

So he stayed silent, wondering if Bucky was risking his life as much as Steve was these days, and if he ever played that song in his head the way Steve did now.

 

 _The ambulance was on the spot, t_ _he jeeps were running wild,_

_The medics jumped and screamed with glee, they rolled their sleeves and smiled,_

_For it had been a week or more since last a 'Chute had failed,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more._

 

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!_

 

It was funny, in a sick way; after so many years singing this song, Steve was still jumping.

 

~

 

Bucky sat across form Steve, staring at the floor of Tony's living room. He'd been doing better, after so many months, but he still had moments like these. Steve was trying not to stare at him, hoping the others wouldn't notice until Bucky came back to himself. After a quick deliberation, he started humming, just loud enough that Bucky would be able to hear. Steve had no idea if the man would remember the song, or if it would even be a good memory, but he wasn't sure what else to do.

Suddenly, steel grey eyes snapped up to meet his, traces of confusion slowly melting away.

"Cap, I swear to whatever is holy, if you get that in my head again, I will lose it." Tony threatened, apparently overhearing the song. "Seriously, that was stuck in my head for _weeks_ last time. Pepper's going to kill me if I start randomly singing "Hallelujah" again, and I'll have to kill you too."

"That's not what he's humming." Heads swiveled to Bucky, as if they'd forgotten him in his silence. Steve watched the slight upturn in the corner of Bucky's mouth.

Tony frowned, looking at the brunet skeptically. "It definitely sounds like Glory, Glory. How do you know it's not?"

Then Bucky smiled, wide and genuine, the way Steve hadn't seen for over seventy years. "'Cause I taught it to him."

It didn't take long until they were both singing at the top of their lungs, releasing emotions they'd both repressed into the words no one else knew.

 

_"He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT", his blood went spurting high;_

_His comrades, they were heard to say "A hell of a way to die!"_

_He lay there, rolling 'round in the welter of his gore,_

He ain't gonna jump no more! _ _"_ _

 

The rest of the team stared at them, each visibly wondering if the two had snapped completely. Steve slung an arm around Bucky's shoulders, grinning. Maybe they were a little insane, he decided, but they could be a lot worse.

 

_"Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,_

_He ain't gonna jump no more!"_

 


End file.
